We are around 2 mouths after the due date. When my due date was approaching I was stressing out and didn’t know why. Thought it was maybe a good idea for me to go back on an anti depression. I was just getting so overwhelmed and didn’t feel like I could do anything. I didn’t want to spiral down how far I had before. So I went to the doctor.... She is the one that brought it to my attention I was approaching my due date and maybe thats why I was stressing out. Event if I wasn’t thinking about it, it was still effecting me.
There has been some more hard moments. I finely realized I wasn't upset any more about the baby I lost but whether or not I wanted to have a baby. I still don’t know, I love babes and kids but do I want my own? Those would be great moments seeing my husband hold are child.
When I was growing up I didn’t dream of being a mouther or thing about me having babes. I just thought thats what you do. But I dreamed of having someone love me and being in love. I wanting to have a man, a husband stand by my side. I have that, I love him so much. I was talking with someone when I was dating someone (before my husband) asking how do you know when your in love. Their answer, if you have to ask then your not in love. I never understood that till I met Shawn.
Now we have the chose, do we want to bring a life in to this world. Before the pregnancy was unplanned. The decision was out of are hands it was made for us. Will I or we regret what we decide? Will it ever fill like we are prepared or ready to bring a life into this world? Or is it that I am ok with not have a child, I’m fine with what I have my husband. Am I afraid to say that? I pray that God will let me know the right answer, what he has planed for our life's together.
Lacey
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